We hear a lot about self-care, especially since the COVID pandemic. When we think about taking care of ourselves, it may conjure up images of wildflowers, the aroma of lavender bath salts, massages, relaxing water sounds, a self-gifted bouquet of flowers, new shoes, or an outfit from a high-end boutique. These things are really enjoyable in the moment.
Acts of self-care are significant deeds we undertake when we prioritize our own well-being, as in adopting a way of life that doesn’t compel us to constantly seek an escape (Brianna Weist). But how does that happen? We must learn that to fully and genuinely take care of ourselves we must first become Self-Aware and fully present with ourselves when we are distressed.
What is self-awareness, and why is it important?
Achieving self-awareness comes from doing the work to gain a deeper understanding of one’s own thoughts, emotions, impulses, and personality traits. This task requires us to dig deep to discover their root causes. In building a solid foundation of self-awareness we get to know ourselves and then learn how to sit and feel safe with some very frightening or toxic emotions from the past rather than hide from them as we have in the past.
By doing so, we then acquire valuable insights into the underlying reasons for our impulses, behavior choices, and thought processes.
Self care means adopting a way of life that doesn’t compel us to constantly seek an escape
The Healing Herd
Horses have been a big part of our lives throughout history, whether they’re running wild or being our loyal companions in different settings. Horses have helped us grow and change as people, and that connection we have with them goes back hundreds of years in time. At LEAD with Horses, we are often asked about how horses have helped us and our clients to learn so much about ourselves. By allowing a horse to be themself and do their thing, with guidance our kids learn much about being congruent.
Being congruent means that the stuff going on inside of us, say, anxiety or fear, matches our outer façade, while being incongruent means that we are masking our genuine emotions like fear and anxiety and trying to come off as cool and collected.
With the help of horses, we can learn to be honest with ourselves and others and strive towards being our most authentic selves. As we journey through life, horses will continue to provide a valuable tool for self-reflection. This is why we say that horses are “our mirrors.” Horses get us at our very core, and if we are not being real, they will let us know what they know.
As we turn to the month of July, we focus our awareness on black, indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) individuals and families and the state of UN-wellbeing that persists due to the systemic factors that obstruct access to mental health services within these communities. Studies conducted over the past 20 years have concluded that even though we understand more about the challenges these groups face – poverty, trauma, gang lifestyles, and intergenerational trauma – the numbers and outcomes show very little to indicate improvement in wellbeing among BIPOC individuals.
By the Numbers
Here is a striking overview of how specific racial/ethnic groups fared compared to white individuals. This data can provide us a gateway to explore the detailed findings so that solutions can continue to be sought, validated, and implemented.
Among adults with any mental illness, Black (39%), Hispanic (36%), and Asian (25%) adults were less likely than White (52%) adults to receive mental health services as of 2021. (KFF, 2023)
2020 data reflect that AIAN (American Indian/Alaska Native) people had the highest rates of drug overdose deaths compared with all other racial and ethnic groups. Drug overdose death rates among Black people exceeded rates for White people as of 2020, reflecting larger increases among Black people in recent years. (KFF, 2023)
Black and Latinx youth were 14 percent less likely than white children to receive treatment for their depression in 2020. (SAMHSA, 2020)
The suicide death rate for Native/Indigenous people in America between the ages of 15-19 is more than double that of white youth. (CDC, 2023)
In another finding, the prevalence of mental illnesses among BIPOC individuals was similar to the prevalence among white people. However, when it came to accessing mental health services, racial/ethnic minorities were either less able or declined to access the help available due to mistrust and fear of treatment, the stigma surrounding mental health, racism and discrimination, and differences in language. This suggests that peoples of color carry a greater burden of disability from mental illness, e.g. more likely to suffer from prolonged, chronic, and severely debilitating depression that affects them, as well as family and community members compared with whites because they often received less care and poorer quality care.
Changing the Narrative
Community is vital to well being. Inclusive communities create a sense of support and belonging, psychological as well as physical safety, and strong connection. Historically, BIPOC communities have created culturally responsive spaces, advocated for community resources, and been at the forefront of social change. It is critical to include the people within the community being served when considering behavioral health and education.
LEAD with Horses provides quality, inclusive services, and we are working toward making these services more accessible. This work is not easy, and it starts with creating welcoming, safe spaces for all of those we serve. We have the benefit of a Healing Herd of horses who assist us with building trust to create connection and community, the foundation of inclusion. Youth are invited to create the guidelines for their time at LEAD with Horses and encouraged to share their stories. We will continue to partner with others and examine our offerings, our approach, and our team to remove barriers to care and to continue to nurture all of our youth so that they will thrive.
This week we will address grief and loss not due to a death,. We can enhance our own emotional surroundings by being open and even curious about how to abide with losses that we know of, and losses we might not even be aware of, because we ignored them. We will take a glimpse at grief, including the seemingly inconsequential losses that build up. and the consequences of not mourning. We will look at how our own Healing Herd stands present with those who are carrying powerful feelings of loss by simply holding a sacred, non-judgmental space in which a child can grieve well.
How Children and Teenagers Grieve
We all grieve. It is one of the truths about being human. The sad reality among so many of us is that we often don’t even consider grieving a loss if it wasn’t due to a death in the family or community. Until recently, even the death of a pet or another animal was not considered to be a loss that we ought to mourn and grieve. Many of us were warned by our parents,“don’t get too attached” so as not to hurt so deeply from the loss of something. As parents, we often trivialize our children’s lossesas not significant enough to bother with grief or mourning. When kids act out their feelings over losing something important to them, such as parents getting divorced, a friend moving away, or loss of a prized possession, we assume that their behavior is due to “a stage”, “not getting their way”, or just plain old “disrespect”.
My grandson has been unusually aggressive, needy, and clingy over the past year and even got suspended recently from kindergarten for fighting another child. As our family looked back to what was going on roughly a year ago it dawned on all of us that this was about the time of his parents’ divorce and his father’s move to another state. He is learning to tend to his grief as best as a 5-year-old can and we have all reminded ourselves and one another to be open to hearing what he has to say about it.
Whether psychological, symbolic, or abstract in nature, a loss of identity, autonomy, trust in the world, dreams or hopes for the future, and a loss of personal meaning are intangible losses. The invisible nature of these losses makes these types of experiences difficult to express. Claudia Elsig, MD
How to Be Supportive
To be fair, how many of us can actually say we were given instructions on how to grieve our losses and how to tend to emotional pain? Were we ever given a hint as to how to recognize a grieving child if we saw one, or if the child was our own? Did we ever stop to think about the losses associated with the Covid pandemic, and the effects of the drastic measures of lock-down upon, not only our kids, but us adults, too! So much of how we abide with our pain, when and if we allow ourselves to feel it, is left to guesswork or based on what we observed growing up and watching our parents grieve their losses. But loss creates pain and because humans avoid pain as much as possible, it gets exiled. We hide it, cover it, numb it.
Why do we do that? Much of that has to do with our nonconscious fear of emotional pain. Pain is messy. We think that if we have pain, we are doing something wrong. We do not feel safe in sharing our pain with another because we do not want to risk being open and vulnerable only to hear from our listener that we have nothing to be sad about. But there are dire consequences to our overall well being when we stow away feelings of loss and grief. In children, teens, and young adults, look for the following:
Signs of depression and/or anxiety.
Dangerous risk taking.
Drop in grades.
Self-destructive behaviors.
Threatening to hurt self or others.
Violent play.
Use of drugs or alcohol.
Total withdrawal from people and environment.
A dramatic change in personality or functioning over a long period of time.
Any of the “normal” behaviors happening over a very long time or to an extreme.
We can provide support by first acknowledging and validating a child’s experience and encouraging open communication. It can be useful to have a ritual to process the loss. And of course, get help if it feels overwhelming. We don’t have to do this alone.
At LEAD with Horses, a goal is to facilitate our clients’ ability to abide with the pain of loss while at the same time building a sense of peace about it. Grief and Pain sitting side by side in the presence of horses. The horses and donkeys are highly sensitive to our emotions and react to our body language and non-verbal cues. Interactions with these gentle and intuitive creatures are well-known as helpers rebuilding trust, overcoming fear of emotional pain, and in processing difficult emotions, like grief, in a non-verbal way.
We provide our grieving kiddos and their families with the space to observe and interact with our Healing Herd in an environment that is filled with love, empathy, healing, and compassion.
The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and we at LEAD with Horses are encouraging our staff, volunteers, and the children and families we serve to look closely around and look deep within. From your home, yard, and neighborhood to genetics, many factors come into play when it comes to emerging mental health conditions. We and our Healing Herd encourage everyone to consider how the world around us affects our mental health and overall well-being.
This month we will be exploring how environment affects our state of well-being for both horses AND humans. We will look at how simple changes to our surroundings can make a world of difference in levels of stress, anxiety, or depression. And, of course, we are all more than eager to provide you with what you need to know about how working with our Healing Herd can improve the overall sense of well-being in relationships among family members and with peers and/or co-workers.
At LEAD with Horses, the environment we provide for our herd fosters a healthy and clean-living environment where the horses can be outdoors with lots of room to romp around and play as well as shelter from harsh weather.
As we post information about Mental Health, Horses, and our surroundings, we hope you will be surprised and amazed at how similar the little things are that benefit both horses and humans! You will appreciate knowing how horses also experience mental health conditions of their own and learning that they’re not so different from humans.
LEAD with Horses recently welcomed two new horses to our herd:
Quest is a lovely 18-year-old Appaloosa. The first thing most people notice is his unusual silver color, called grulla. Quest is proving to be quite sweet and clever.
Red is a 13-year-old Rocky Mountain – the third Rocky Mountain Horse in our herd! (Gina and Lucas are also RM horses) He is a stocky boy who appears to take things slow. His playful nature is coming out now that he is comfortable in his new home.
Both horses have adjusted quickly, have been integrated into the herd, and we hope they will be ready to be part of our summer term. We look forward to seeing what these two lovely horses will offer to our students.
These two will be available to sponsor soon! Watch our horses page for important updates.
Self care means adopting a way of life that doesn’t compel us to constantly seek an escape
